Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Help Me


Dear Me,

Nothing is going right.  I feel like I have no control over anything.  I guess I could take control of my weight, but that is so hard.  And dessert is so easy and available.  Why do I do this to myself?  Why do I go back for that second ice cream sandwich...........whispersBecause it's easier than losing weight

I know, but do I really want to lose weight, isnt it easier to just be fat and stay fat?  I dont want to have to work at it.  Why cant I just have a fast matabolism and a thyroid that works, or even better, how about a thyroid that works over time, eh? eh?  I could definitely go for that.

Is the food really good...well if I am honest..I mean.....well no.......not really.  I mean it's tasty but its not that good.  Its just so much easier to be  fat.  I dont want to exercise, it's sweaty, sticky, and it makes me hurt.

Its easier just to sit on this couch and consume food and watch the inches add on.

Do I really want to wear cute clothes again?  Yeah, I do, I am so sick of wearing things that fit but are not what I like.  Things that a much older woman that doesnt feel sexy would wear.  I am a sex pot on the inside, I really want to be a sex pot on the outside too.

I think my husband is sabotaging me.  Well not in a mean way, he just has it in the back of his head that if I lose weight Ill leave him.  But I wouldnt, I love that man to death and he loves me even when I am a bitch.  Everytime I ask for something he brings more than I ask for, and I eat it.  I do.  Why?  I dont know, maybe because I love him.

So what now?

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