So last night was really scary and painful. Around 9pm I started having a pain right behind my ribs below my lungs. It started to worsen over the next two hours. Every time I breathed the pain intensity escalated, it felt like there was a hard lump there. In fact the pain got so bad I was rolling around on the floor, I had the sweats and I was vomiting. After trying to hang in there and see it through for another 45 minutes my husband and I decided I should go to the hospital. We called his aunt and her husband to come and pick me up since our kids were in bed. It seemed to take forever for them to get to us from the other side of town in the middle of the night and right before they should up I mentioned that maybe we should just call an ambulance.
I was really really scared. I did not want to go to the hospital and stay there all night long. I didn't want to go and find out that it was either just gas, how embarrassing, or go and have to have emergency surgery for something. This was painful. The only other time I have been in this kind of pain (childbirth is different) was when I had a HUGE kidney stone a couple of years ago.
This pain was right in the center not off to either side and not in my stomach. I kept wishing it to go away and everything would be fine. Hubby was really scared at times and crying. I was sobbing.
Rewind to earlier that night: I had taken my eldest son, 10 years old in 5 days, to the store when hubby put the 3 littlest to bed. He wanted to pick up some lego toys at the store with money he had earned. As we are driving to the store I hear him murmuring to himself "how do I say this..."
Of course I am thinking, what on Earth is he going to say? Then he says it: "Mom you are the greatest guardian in my life. I just want you to know that if you and I are ever in a situation where one of us has to die, I will sacrifice myself for you to live"
Que the tears and the biggest philosophical conversation I've ever had with him! We talked about how a parent will do anything for a child and about parents dieing and souls, spirits, ghosts. WoW! This was some deep shit for my 10 year old to be thinking about. He follows my thinking though, we both have very vivid imaginations and always tend to think "what if". I am going to keep an eye on him and if need be get him to talk with his school counselor. I think for now I have dampened his fears just a bit and I love knowing that the lines of communication are open and working between us.
Fast forward to the pain I am going through. There were a couple of times were I was thinking, what if this is it? What if he was having premonitions and...I can't even finish that statement. But it made what I was going through ten times harder.
Right before hubby's aunt pulled up, hubby was holding me and sending me all of his energy and trying his hardest to do reiki on me. We were both so scared. Willow was wrapped around his leg and he let me go to pick her up and sooth her. And at that moment I could breathe. I took a deep breathe and felt nothing. It was gone. Just gone. The car rolled up, aunt and uncle jumped out and were racing for the door they were insisting that they were going to stay while hubby and I went to the hospital.
At that point I turned into a bigger blubbering idiot because the pain was gone and I had just dragged these two wonderful people, a huge part of our support system, out of bed int he middle of the night, for what?
We all sat around for ten minutes assessing how I felt. I walked around, paced, seeing if the pain was going to come back. Drinking water. Thanking whoever was listening that the pain was if fact gone and that I didn't have to go to the hospital. Apologizing over and over again.
But it didn't come back. Aunt and uncle went home we made our way to bed and slept until 11:30 this morning. I am a little sore, but other than that nothing.
Today I am paying close attention to how I feel. I still kinda feel like an idiot though. Was it gas? I mean I've had gas before but nothing that lasts for hours and is so intensely painful.